September dump
a broken heart and weak soul
September has been weird. I might be on a break from writing. Most of my thoughts come and go while I'm taking a shower, and when I get out of the bathroom, I'm too lazy to pick up a pen to write. I might release an incomplete, untitled short story soon. One that came as a thought on my journey back to school. Speaking about school, it is the most depressing place to be during the holidays. Medical students are suffering. It's so surreal that I spent the whole long vacation in school. Each day is more depressing than the last. It's more depressing when the thought of our awaited licensing exam strangles your faux enjoyment. I wonder what the next set of anxious thoughts will be after the exams. Thoughts of "what next?". Life seems less depressing now that a friend of mine is with me in my room. I'm tired of my phone, and I'm trying to be involved in activities that do not necessarily involve it. I try to switch up certain activities in my day because the days seem too rigid. Take walks, dance, etc. I started journaling this evening. I'll go back to it when I'm tired of studying.
I might have lost the only man I genuinely imagined spending the rest of my life with because I do not know how to confront people and give space for their shortcomings. I'm learning the hard way, I guess. I can now talk about boys, love and marriage freely without being scared of my elder siblings because I am approaching that age.
I want to read books on social constructs to learn more because the knowledge you manage to garner from social media isn't enough. I'm too lazy, however, to read from my phone. I'm entertaining thoughts of buying hard copies even if they might cost a fortune in our current economic dispensation.
A friend lied about their identity to me, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the possible reasons for a minor "catfishing". Truly, the best thing to listen to in life is your intuition. Some of the stories he was dishing out weren't adding up, and I had two weird dreams about him. Maybe I am a witch. I definitely am. Hell, I'm bleeding during the lunar eclipse. I am a witch! I find it especially rude when people lie to me, let alone lie about their identities. I asked him about it, and he still tried twisting the truth. Tonight, hopefully, he's wise enough to be honest. If not, I tried. I tried. I wonder how people forgive and forget, though. I'm learning. And if my intuition was false, I’ll give a sincere apology. Isn’t it funny though how apologies barely heal wounds?
I took a break from studying, and that's how I found myself writing to you. Well, it wasn't a break. A minor distraction like the twenty others I have had before settling on Substack. I applaud those who find it easy to study on devices. I came on Substack to check if my lost lover has written to me. I reek of desperation. It's beautiful. Vulnerability in itself is a beautiful emotion. Either way, I hope the sharp pain in my heart and regret in my head don't linger for long. I hope the month comes to an end quickly, the year even. I'm exhausted and I need a break from all this madness.
Another girl was killed by her ex-boyfriend. May her soul rest in peace. The internet trolls who support "boys will be boys" are already dishing out advice on how to be safe as a woman.
May he die by a firing squad. I've also noticed something in this was against misogyny. Some men who think they are "feminists" go around displaying subtle misogyny. I guess misogyny is inborn, because the sexist comments made when women speak up about patriarchal topics are delirious. They believe they stand for equal rights, but how do you stand for equal rights when half of your opinions concerning women give off "na woman leave am" or imply that women are weaker or their train of thought shouldn't be acknowledged because they are women. Someday, when I get hard copies of certain books, I'll address them instead of violently eliminating them as I had imagined.
If you're one of them reading, I'll say this:
Just because you have a sister or a mother or a girlfriend doesn't mean you support equal rights.
Another reason why I need to educate myself on issues in the world is why CAN'T OTHER COUNTRIES AND WORLD SOCIETIES INTERVENE IN THE GENOCIDES occurring? WHY IS EVERYONE WATCHING CONGO AND GAZA BLEED?
What have you been listening to this month? Here’s what I have been listening to
How has your September been?
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS READ AND COMPLIMENTED MY WORK RECENTLY INCLUDING MY FORMER HOD AND ONE OF MY INTERN FRIENDS. KINDLY SUBSCRIBE IF YOU HAVEN’T.
PLUS IT'S OYEWOLE’S BIRTHDAY. OYEWOLE IS ALWAYS THE FIRST TO READ MY POSTS. HE BARELY COMMENTS THOUGH, BUT HE ALWAYS LIKES AND RESTACKS. EVERYONE WISH OYEWOLE HAPPY BIRTHDAY
bye mi amores. Till next time, stay safe
Happy birthday Oyewole
Thank you 😂❤️